Transformation

I loved watching the cartoon Transformers during the late eighties and into the nineties. I could not wait for that show to come on, so I sat there like a big kid and enjoyed Optimus Prime battle Star Scream. Secretly I would push for Star Scream because there was something about his screeching voice. But I would get excited that Optimus would transform and roll out. They would either be rolling out after a battle or heading towards one.

When my life began to take a downward spiral, I would close my eyes and envision that I was transforming and rolling out. My rolling out would be away from the battle because I had no more battles to fight. Trying to survive in a broken marriage with a child and one on the way was becoming increasingly difficult.

The endless fights, the nightmares, the lies, and the abuse had weakened me. I felt I had no way out, so my consciousness allowed me to transform and roll out. I changed into this superwoman who could beat anyone and do anything. I transformed into this woman who could survive many things, yet it was all in my mind. I did not have the strength to leave. During those moments in my life, I felt like Star Scream, constantly losing the war!

But one day, I had the strength.

I began to take advice from these older women who started schooling me on my life. I mustered up enough courage to leave that marriage, and once I got out of that unpleasant situation, I began to transform.

The transformation happened slowly, and even though I made mistakes, I would not allow anyone to stop that progress. I had become Optimus, battling everyone who opposed my growth. Anyone who told me that I could do something, I did it anyway. Anyone who said to me that I was not going to make it, I made it. Nothing or none could stop me from being me.

I was different in so many ways from the young girl I was in high school who had gotten married at nineteen to the woman who was determined to make something for myself and be the best mother I could be.

Transformation does not happen overnight like in the cartoons. I am referring to the internal change, not the external. To begin that process, we must clean out all the junk and try with all our might not to allow that junk to come back inside and clutter our minds again. Meditate and focus on your transformation.